i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
