I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
