sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
