So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
