Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
