That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
