i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
