He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
