Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
