Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
did i just pee glitter
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
