the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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