He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
