i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
