nut hugger
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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