so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
