Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
