Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I want is dick and wine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
