So drunk its hurt
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
