So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
