how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
