I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
