Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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