i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
