And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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