would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
