you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
