remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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