the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
