just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
