im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think i have two assholes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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