So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Everything about him screamed your future.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
