I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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