Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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