I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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