Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
