I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
