I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
