I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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