you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
