This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
