Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
