i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
