i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
