People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
