he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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