I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
