I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
