it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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