great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
