OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
