dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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